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Answers to Your Health Questions

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? 
A:
Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. 


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? 
A:
You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop. 


Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? 
A:
Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables. 


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? 
A:
Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. 


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? 
A:
Can't think of a single one, sorry. Our philosophy is: No Pain....Good. 


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? 
A:
You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? 


Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? 
A:
Thicker gravy. 


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? 
A:
Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. 


Q: Is chocolate bad for me? 
A:
Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa beans... another vegetable!!! 

We hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie ... flour is a veggie! 

"When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and some salt."

 

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